Dragon.: Introduction

This is the introduction to one of my finished and (shockingly) partly edited stories.  The title is Dragon.  It's meant to be funny... what do you think?

INTRODUCTION

There’s nothing quite like saving the world to make one truly awesome.  Not that I needed the help; I’ve always been superior in pretty much every way.  Still, it certainly can’t hurt your reputation to save thousands of lives from slavery and death.  I try to wear my exceptional achievements humbly—otherwise, I’d be completely unapproachable!

I suppose, if you’re going to read my story, I should tell you more about myself than just that I’m wonderful.  My name is Izznae—lovely to make my acquaintance, I’m sure.  I was born and raised in a volcano on the northern edge of the western continent.  Right now I’m blue, but I don’t think it will last; blue’s really not my color.  If you want to recognize me you might notice instead the longer snout we volcano-dwellers often have and the scar on my—

        I beg your pardon?  What are you confused about?  You—you didn’t know I was a dragon?  Excuse me, I’ll be right back.

        I’m sorry, I had to go laugh at you somewhere else, so I wouldn’t accidentally light this paper on fire.

        Oh, I see.  You didn’t think dragons could write, did you?  Of all the prejudiced notions.  Why would anyone assume that only humans had the ability to write?

        Never mind, I don’t have time to deal with your personal problems.  If you want me to care, write your own book, if you’re able.

        Ahem.

        What was I saying?  Ah, yes, the scar on my right wing, near the snorkius.

        How in Daiines could you not know what a snorkius is?  Didn’t you sing that song when you were little?  You know, “head, knopers, snorkius and jeed…” No?  Ah, well.  If you want to understand this story you’ll have to know more about dragons.  I suppose this means a diagram.  Hang on a minute.

[fig.1, dragon diagram with ridiculous labels]

        There now, did that help?  Yes, you can take a minute to glory in how incredibly awesome I am.  I know, right now you’re probably wishing we were friends so you could revel in the reflected light of my glory.  Too bad.  Humans are cool too, though.  I mean, you guys have…hair.  And, um, lips?  And livers—no dragon has a liver!  And, in my experience, a fair amount of courage.

[fig. 2, stick figure diagram]

        Oh, is that why you’re reading this?  To hear about my experience with human beings?  Well, lucky you.  That’s what I’m writing about.  Which, I guess, is why you picked up this book.  Well, then.  I’d best get on with the story.